Reflections on a generation, and a music icon gone to soon.

"Stuttering, cold and damp
Steal the warm wind tired friend.
Times are gone for honest men,
And sometimes far too long for snakes.

In my shoes, a walking sleep
And my youth I pray to keep
Heaven sent hell away
No one sings like you anymore.."

Since waking up last Thursday morning to the heartbreaking news of Chris Cornell's passing, my head has been spinning trying to comprehend it. That is to say, that it's not like we haven't lost musicians before, or loved ones, or friends to suicide - and granted yes, often suicide is completely unexpected - but Chris.. Man he had made it. He made it when everyone else from the grunge era were over dosing at 27, he was a father to three children, a talented singer/song writer with a 4 octave voice - a fucking absolute rarity. 

He had just reunited with Soundgarden, and talks of a new album were in the works.

I mean sure, we can all converse about the 'what ifs' and the 'how comes' and put together mental lists of all the things he had 'going for him' but really, we don't know shit about what he was feeling.

A friend of mine asked if I had watched the final performance in Detroit, yet. I hadn't. 

So with him on FB messenger, I plugged in my laptop and pulled it up.

30 seconds into it I said "Holy, he is super fucked up. I cant even tell what hes singing because its slurred jibberish - not actual words or lyrics. "

My friend said "Right?!"

Anyone who has battled depression and anxiety knows it when they see it. I want to think anyone with basic observation skills would've picked up on it. If I had paid money for that show, I would've been pissed at how horrible it was. "Jesus Christ Pose" was unrecognisable.

He stumbled verbally through the entire show, his performance was mainly auto pilot, going through the motions, giving a little here and there, eyes half closed, guitar playing slow and sloppy. 

Now we know his level of talent, this was not Chris. At one point I see the other guitarist shake his head. His band mates had to have known.

The fact he says "I feel bad for the next city" on stage, was not only ominous but implying. I am only writing out my perspective on the subject; but I believe Chris knew that was his last show, and he was done. He was so fucking done.

So at 52, he takes his place with the other musical geniuses, not often long for this life, and becomes "The shape of the hole left inside your heart". A song quote he shared on FB the night of his final show.

Chris was the founding father of the grunge scene. He paved the way for bands like Nirvana and Pearl Jam, Soundgarden was the first grunge band to be signed to a big record label. He also went onto form the band Audioslave with members of Rage Against the Machine ( sans Zach ) and crank out a ton of hits. His solo career proved also to be fruitful and catchy. 

But here we are, a generation speechless to have lost one of the last remaining voices of our youth. The soundtrack to so many memories, moments, time periods of growth and change. We never thought it would be you next Chris - never.

We clung to the comfort and nostalgia of his music, we are all in our 30's and 40's now ( still not sure where all the time went ) but bands like Soundgarden were a connection to our youth. I imagine our parents felt the same when they lost John Lennon, Van Morrison, Jimi Hendrix.

Here we float sandwiched between two generations that dont give a shit about anyone but themselves, and we scratch our heads as the planet slowly goes to shit, animals become endangered and extinct, water is poisoned, weather is fucked, the ground gives out beneath us. Fell on black days.

Losing Chris was like losing a friend. In time, hopefully more information and more answers are revealed, and perhaps a tiny bit of confusion is clarified.

Mental health is not a joke. Its not something to be mocked, exploited, joked about, criticised. Suicide is not the answer, but y'know what? maybe sometimes it is. Maybe sometimes it really is for certain people. We don't know.

But condemning others and making snide comments like "the cowards way out" are not going to make it any fucking easier for people to seek help. Calling people 'losers' after they have taken their own life, after years of suffering? Fuck off.

Anyway,

Thank you Chris. Say hello to heaven. You will be greatly missed.