Lessons on Rejection

After relocating, twice, and replacing all the material items I had lost, I began to rebuild myself. This is no easy task, or quick for that matter - in fact it is a work in progress, and likely always will be to some extent.

Rejection stings like a mother fucker.

Some kinds of rejection, shake us to the foundation we had so confidently reinforced.

Causing the building above to collapse.

What did I learn?

Man, tons of tough truths. Personal ones. Ones that I wont share here, but here are some that I will:

You are not defined by other peoples opinions, or approval. What someone else thinks of you, says more about them than it does you. This isn’t some cliche excuse to make you feel better  -  it is legit the truth.

It brings me to an amazing quote I came across a while back, by Rupi Kuar “If someone does not want me, it is not the end. But if I do not want me, the world is nothing but endings.”

Sit on that for a few minutes. The blatant and simple truth in those two lines, floored me.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Wether it’s a coworker, a yoga instructor, the girl he chose over you, or after you, or whatever the fuck - stop. You are you. You are not them, and thank goodness because they have their own shit to deal with.

You are not broken because of someone else, you are whole - you just haven’t had a chance to realize it.

Acknowledge your shit.

We are always trying to fill the voids within us with people, or things, or approval of some sort.

My theory is, likely, because we do not want to acknowledge or stare into the face of the hole inside us, because that’s some scary shit.

Well, duh.

Avoidance however, gets us nowhere, and teaches us nothing.

You dont have to make friends with the void, just sit with it for a few minutes here and there. Dip your toe into it. Learn about it. Why is it there? Where did it come from?

Self reflection is unavoidable, if you want to get through the quicksand of shit.

During your self reflection, ask yourself to recall all of the things you perhaps no longer do, that used to bring you joy. Was it painting? Playing music? Going for hikes? What are YOUR passions. YOU. Remember what you loved, and all of the things that made you, you. These will help you reconnect with yourself.

For me, it was punk rock and grunge music. Playing guitar. Visiting old friends, and art. Once I started reminiscing I was flooded with nostalgia. The nostalgia got me thinking, and organising, and then there was a reunion BBQ of friends who hadn’t seen each other in 10 years or more!

There were paintings created, music enjoyed, and a brand new Fender electric guitar purchased. Feeling the strings, strumming chords, it all came back to me.

I needed that creative outlet, I needed these forms of expression, and all I had done for YEARS was deny myself, and put someone else’s ahead of my own. I placed them in the back of some mental closet, where no one could judge me for them, and I close the door.

Essentially, reconnecting with the old, helped me reconnect with the present.

All of life is uncertain. Everything is flux. There are no answers, only lessons that come in the form of some retrospective answer.

Whatever is missing, fill it with love for yourself. Be kind to yourself, nurture yourself, your passions, your dreams, things that bring you peace or joy.

We give so much away, please, give back to yourself.